I will wait

•July 5, 2013 • Leave a Comment

Well I came home like a stone
And I fell heavy into your arms
These days of dust, which we’ve known
Will blow away with this new sun…

No matter through the good or bad times YOU were always there to pick me up and make my day bright. The tough times are what helps us grow as individuals. I have learned so much in these past years and now know that each day is a new day. Now it is my turn to return the favor; Even though you don’t want me to, I will be here waiting for you. I’ll be waiting with a heavy heart.

I put on my outfit for the day and go out as a new person with values and goals. When a wrench gets thrown in the plan the best we can do is work with it. I Will Wait for YOU as long as I have to for you to know that I am different from the rest. Peoples lives change every day. We need to learn to deal; but how much time do you give yourself to move on from a situation and deal with it in your own terms.
Through the bad times music helps me cope and my emotions calm down.


I Wont Give Up

•July 4, 2013 • Leave a Comment

I never thought I would be the type of person who would relate to a song like this. It’s hard to show someone that you will be there no matter what. How do you tell someone that you will be there through thick and thin?

What do you see when you look into a person’s eyes?

 Do you see their soul? Can you see the pain and struggle of the past; the wins and triumphs that they hold close? When you look at that person can you recollect all the good and bad memories you have shared? When I look into someone’s eyes I feel like it is a gateway into their soul. You can learn so much about a person in a little amount of time and the bond you build can be so strong. The eyes can tell a person when one is happy, sad, angry or indifferent. There is so much to decipher from an individual’s eyes.

The happiest moment are seeing someone grow as a person and as a couple. I read recently that women are the nurturing, caring and loving ones…They put their all into a relationship and expect the same amount back from their mates (but usually don’t get it back the way they want). It’s said that a man’s love isn’t like a woman’s love. I don’t believe this 100%; yes men do operate in a relationship differently but they are still fully committed and show their love and gratitude.

I think it is very difficult to wait on someone that you care about. There are many circumstances where one would be waiting. You can be waiting from someone to return from military service, to show equal love back in the relationship, to grow up and act like a man/woman, or to move on in the next chapter of your relationship. Either way – waiting sucks.

Ever had an instance where someone didn’t want you to wait for them? What do you do in that case? You are willing to wait and make sure that you are there when they get back home or make a decision. I am looking at this from a woman’s point of view: why would my boyfriend tell me he doesn’t want me waiting on him? I am willing to wait the time and be there physically and emotionally for him but that’s a negative from his end. Regardless this song says it all. “I don’t wanna be someone who walks away so easily; I’m here to stay and make the difference that I can make. Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use the tools and gifts we got,” (Jason Mraz, I Won’t Give Up).
“Well, I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up”
No matter what everyone who knows me knows that I am not one to walk away from anything easily. I tend to be stubborn and demanding but that is because I always fight for I believe in. Is what I am fighting for right or wrong? I guess I will find out when the battle is done.

For those of you who are fighting to prove your love to someone; or for those who are fighting for a dream that has possibilities: KEEP FIGHTING! We are tested through our lives for a reason. If there were no bumps in the road life would be uneventful and we would not have reason for the decisions we make/made.
For me, I am not giving up on love right now. I have been hurt so much in the past, but I have to keep reminding myself that the past is the past. If we hold on to the past then we will never grow as an individual.
Live for today and don’t give up on anything you have faith and hope in.

For me; I wont give up on love and I WONT give up on US


•November 2, 2011 • Leave a Comment

I’m so lonely – well not really lonely but that is how I feel. I don’t know what it is; it might be the weather and because the seasons are changing or because I just left all of my family that I had the pleasure of meeting for the first time when I was in California. I feel all alone. I am okay when I am around my friends but I feel like I haven’t seen anyone in weeks. I have been so busy with work and school that I feel I have had no life in the past couple of weeks. Do you ever feel that you have been so caught up in your work life that you have no time for anything else?

Don’t get me wrong, I love school and working the job I’m at, but lately (since May) I have felt like there is a part of me missing. In the end of April I broke up with my boyfriend of two and a half years even though it was my choice and he was fully supportive. It still hurt and effected the both of us. I took on more hours and work, more tasks and more projects to get everything off my mind. I have four close friends in Boston and two close friends in Roanoke but there is still something missing. 

Even though I have no need to be sad I am. I seriously think it’s the weather. My dad thinks I am overworking myself and getting myself tired, but I am in my youth and I think I can handle myself. People my age are usually out partying and meeting people; they are also in school and trying to get an education. Their parents expect them to get good grades to where they get exceptional jobs when they graduate so these kids focus on school 100% and don’t really work. I work full-time and go to school full-time. I barely have time for fun; it’s sad but I don’t mind it. I backtracked a couple of years to come to realize how much I have changed over the past couple of years. 

I was a party girl when I was away at college in Tennessee and when I moved back to Boston everywhere I wanted to go was 21+ and I really didn’t know people so the partying phase phased out of my life until recently. Akon’s “Lonely” is a fairly decent representation of how I feel…kind of. I can’t believe I let certain people just walk out of my life; not any one person in particular, but many friends I had in the past. Now that I look back on my life; so many of my friends as well as myself changed over the years. Mose of us have matured, we grew up, we prioritized our lives and decided what was important. 

I hope the loneliness and miserable feeling I feel is just a seasonal mood because I have no need to feel lonely. I have my friends – Diana, Areli, Theresa, Michelle, Rob and Morgan. I also have my mom and dad who would gladly stick themselves in the center of my life. I definitely think this is a small phase that I am going through with the first snow of the season and hearing of the thousands of people who are without power and how miserable they must be because of it. 

All Hallows Eve

•November 1, 2011 • Leave a Comment

The topic of Halloween came up with my friends and we were all talking about what we were all going to dress up as. When this discussion started at the start of October I wasn’t taking it seriously…Just another fun holiday created by the US to get kids and parents out and about in costumes. Young adults don’t even dress in a spooky or scary manner; they dress in playboy models and their favorite sports stars, etc.  When I think about Halloween the headless horseman comes to mind. I see front yards decorated with crazy Halloween props and lights, Pumpkins are carved to scary faces, cute characters and amazing creatures. 

Halloween is considered a fun holiday, mostly for children, but what is the history of Halloween? Where are its roots? In reality it has roots in ancient religions and folklore, including paganism, ancient Roman religions, early Catholic Christianity and Irish folklore. Children and adults alike enjoy this holiday by dressing up in funny costumes, candy, and parties, while some countries observe this time as a remembrance of departed loved ones and religious saints.Halloween has its origins in the ancient Celtic festival known as Samhain.The festival of Samhain is a celebration held at the end of the harvest season in Gaelic culture. Samhain was a time used by the ancient pagans to take stock of supplies and prepare for winter. The ancient Gaels believed that on October 31, the boundaries between the worlds of the living and the dead overlapped and the deceased would come back to life and cause havoc such as sickness or damaged crops. To this culture it was considered a magical holiday where some Celts wore costumes of animal skulls and skins. Faeries were believed to roam the land during Samhain, they would be dressed as beggars asking for food door to door. Those that gave food to the faeries were rewarded, while those that did not were punished by the faeries. This is reported to be the first origin of the modern “trick or treat” practice. 

The Christian church probably didn’t like the idea that a festival with Pagan roots practiced by Christians, so a replacement definitely needed to be created by the church. The Pope at the time decided to designate May 13 as All Saints Day to honor dead church saints and martyr; this didn’t stop the celebration of  Samhain on October 31. In 835 A.D., Pope Gregory IV moved “All Saints Day” to November 1; this would hopefully take attention away from the Pagan Samhain festival and replace it. Since All Saints Day was sanctioned by the church, and related to the dead, the church was happy, but many Pagan traditions of Samhain continued to be practiced.

Todays traditional activities include trick-or-treating, bonfires, costume parties, visiting “haunted houses” and carving jack-o-lanterns. Irish and Scottish immigrants carried versions of the tradition to North America in the nineteenth century. Today adults throw Halloween parties where they all dress up in costumes and enjoy the night. Kids get to dress up as well and go trick-or-treating and collect mass amounts of candy which I’m sure will result in a dentist’s visit before christmas. Not all locations of the world celebrate Halloween like the US does though.

Latin American Countries:

Mexico, Latin America, and Spain observe All Saints Day and All Souls Day with a three-day celebration starting on the evening of October 31, through November 2. Starting in mid October, shops are filled with decorations, flowers, toys made like skeletons and other macabre shapes, sweets, pastries, and candies shaped like bones, coffins, and dead bodies in preparation for the festivities. Halloween is called the “Day of the Dead”; this is where the spirits of relatives are supposed to visit their families homes. An area of the home is cleared away, and an altar is erected decorated with flowers, photographs of the deceased, candies and pastries shaped like skulls inscribed with their name, candles, and a selection of the deceased’s favorite foods and drinks. Even after dinner cigarettes and liquors are provided for the dear departed’s after dinner enjoyment. Incense is burning to help the spirits find their way home.

In preparation for the “Day of the Dead”, the graves of the deceased are cleaned, painted, and decorated for the occasion. Families gather November 2 for a festive family reunion; food, drinks, and tequila are brought along. Many customs vary depending on the particular city, town, or culture, but all over Mexico, Latin American, and Spain, the Day of the Dead is considered a celebration of their departed family.


Live like you were dying

•October 20, 2011 • Leave a Comment

Ok, so I know its midnight so technically it is Thursday October 20th,  SO YESTERDAY was a very bad day. Not a bad day for me but just in general a bad day; the weather was horrible all day and the atmosphere at school was tense. When I got to school it was cloudy and when I left school it was a torrential downpour. I hate Fall rainy days, it’s so cold and the rain sends shivers down my spine – I hate the rain especially because I have to drive in it with almost bald tires and possibly risk a hydroplaning accident.

I’m not very religious, but I was so worried about my drive from school to babysitting that i pulled out the rosary beads my mom gave me and sent a quick prayer and crossed myself then hit the road. I could feel my car pull left and right and potentially hydroplane, but I controlled it. I turned the radio on and instantly heard

“I went sky diving
I went rocky mountain climbing
I went two point seven seconds
On a bull named FuManChu. And I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
And gave forgiveness I’d been denying
And he said some day I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dying” – Live Like You  Were Dying by: Tim McGraw

The song stuck with me the whole hour and a half ride to babysitting. I am proud to say that I came off Route 2 unscathed…

When I got on to 128 it was a different story. It was smooth sailing until I got to exit 27; then everything came to a dead stop and traffic started to form! All the vehicles in the fast lane of this four lane highway were moving to the break down lane to get around whatever was in front of them. Behind me I saw cop lights and in the distance i could hear sirens of the fire trucks and ambulance. I looked in front of me and saw that my worst fear had come to life.

In the fast lane there were about 25 people huddled together (luckily under a bridge to shelter themselves from the heavy cold rain) and then in front of all those people were about 15 cars and a silver SUV flipped on its hood. This SUV must have been travelling at a high-speed because it was flipped, crushed and compacted from all sides and completely destroyed. When I got closer to the scene I could see that there was a body hanging halfway out of the passenger window; I wanted to pull over and cry. I am a lifeguard so by the Good Samaritan Law I pulled over to see if any help was needed, when I saw the ambulance right behind me I stayed in my car and kept driving. I could see the faces of all the people who witnessed the accident first hand, trying to keep warm under the bridge and so many thoughts were going through my mind. I wonder if the person injured in the SUV is alive or dead? Does he have a family? I’m sure someone is going to be worried about him/her.

Once cleared of the accident site I called my mom and told her I loved her and what I had just seen. I imagined what would happen if that was me in that situation. Of course it’s bad to even think such thoughts, but I couldn’t help it. We go through life without thinking of all those around us. Day in and day out we do the same things and not really appreciate everything that surrounds us: friends, family, loved ones, co-workers, etc. We all take life for granted and when we see something like what I saw today it helps remind us that life is too short.

I wonder how old the person in that flipped SUV was? I wonder what was going through his/her mind when he/she felt the car lose control. I’m sure this person has not led and lived a full life and really had a chance to enjoy it. So scary to think that your world can end so abruptly. I was shaken up seeing the accident today and I can just imagine anyone from that persons’ family who gets a call today that their loved one has been in an accident. It’s scary. Life’s too short.

Live life to the fullest. You never know when something might come along and change your life forever.

In the words of Tim McGraw:

“And he said some day I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dying
Like tomorrow was a gift
And you’ve got eternity to think about
What you’d do with it
What did you do with it
What did I do with it”
What would I do with it”

October 11, 2011 – Run Away

•October 19, 2011 • Leave a Comment

So do you ever have such a bad day that you want to run away and say good-bye to everything you every knew and loved? Well let me tell you that I had one of those days yesterday.
How do we manage to get ourselves in such a predicament to lead us on a road to craziness? Is it because of the choices we make? Or the people we choose to be around? What is the definition of a bad day?
If you break it down: the definition of bad according to theFreeDictionary is “Not achieving an adequate standard; poor; disagreeable, unpleasant, or disturbing.
The definition of day according to dictionary.com states it is the period of light between two nights.
Combine the two words together and you have the time of light where you are awake and operating and having an unpleasant or disturbing time throughout. Well… That definitely sounds like my day! We are not perfect; I would like one person to tell me right now that the are perfect in every way. That they have no fault to them and that they have never had a bad day.
I know that there are numerous days where I have wanted to run away and leave everything behind but I never did.. I know people who would have decided that things were not the way they would like for it to be and leave whenever they want. They would not think twice about the people or things they are leaving behind; they would only be thinking about how to better themselves and what the next move would be. If you were going to run away where would you go? What bridges would you burn? Who would it affect and who would you hurt? Most importantly would you be hurting yourself?
Are you running away because it is the right thing to do or because it is an impulsive decision?
Like I said my day was horrible and I was ready to make that impulsive decision to run and not tell anyone of what was going on. But then sanity shined in like it does it the movies and its like a door has been opened and bright lights and warmth told me this was a crazy bold move and for me to sit back and weigh my options.
So I did. I did the only thing that can calm me down; I got in my car blasted the music and went to the park. Sure enough there was nobody there and i opened all my doors and started to dance.
I danced my heart out. I tried to be carefree and get every worry out of my mind. When clarity sank in I drove back home and went back to my daily routine.

Why do you think we get pushed to our limits all the time. It’s like we are being tested.. Some people pass and others fail. Who are we to judge who the failures are though?
I don’t think that I could ever run away and never look back on all that I am leaving behind. There are times when I want to get away and not think about the day; people have it tough but what kind of people are we if we always run away from bad times or hardships. Does that make us weak as a person?

Do you know?

•October 11, 2011 • Leave a Comment

Deep, thought-provoking song. Makes you really want to question life, and if not life you question what is going on in the world. Do you know where you’re going to?… Do you get what it’s all about?  What do you think these lyrics are trying to say? Where are you headed with your life. No matter how young or old you have your place in life but you as a person make the choices to impact your future. 

Where will the choices you make lead you further down in life? Just like Diana Ross “my spirit is free”; I go with the flow of anything that happens. What do I (as an individual) want out of life?

I don’t understand everything that happens in life nor do I try to make sense of some things. Its hard enough to get through the life you have already created for yourself; no matter what age. Nowadays, people work full-time and have all sorts of extra-curricular activities or families to take care of. Sometimes I am so caught up in life and all the current happenings that I don’t know what life is all about. Don’t you feel like you wake up every day and everything is planned out for you (hour by hour).

If you look at my life you will be able to tell that I am a “busy bee”. I wake up every morning(5:30) and drive an hour to school. When I get out of school I either drive an hour and a half to my babysitting or work and after work I drive straight home (usually 11pm) to shower eat dinner and go to bed. I try to squeeze in a little bit of time for homework. 

Tell me where you have time to think about anything else with a schedule like mine. Think about it for a minute; when you were younger did you plan to become what you are today?

If you are at a place in your life that you are happy with are you also happy with the way you got there?

Everything about life isn’t about planning… I look at it like the perfect essay (this is when you can tell that I am definitely a college student). It all starts with a thesis or a topic statement; then from there you build your outline. After your outline its all experimenting and trial and error…You never know how a paper is going to turn out until it is complete and you read the final product and make sure that it ties in with your thesis or topic statement. Just like writing a paper; people might have similar goals or ambitions (thesis or topic statement) and they make a general outline of how they want to get to their goals and ambitions but everyone has their own way to reach the conclusion and get to their goal. 

What do you think? Is it possible? Do people have the capability to sit down and plan everything in life you and actually take those steps to get there? Do people just “take life by the horns” and wherever/ however it happens they will get to a part of life that is where you want to be?

I can say that I DO NOT KNOW WHERE I AM GOING TO.. and I am fine with it. I have my whole life to live and everything is based on the choices I make.