I’m so lonely – well not really lonely but that is how I feel. I don’t know what it is; it might be the weather and because the seasons are changing or because I just left all of my family that I had the pleasure of meeting for the first time when I was in California. I feel all alone. I am okay when I am around my friends but I feel like I haven’t seen anyone in weeks. I have been so busy with work and school that I feel I have had no life in the past couple of weeks. Do you ever feel that you have been so caught up in your work life that you have no time for anything else?
Don’t get me wrong, I love school and working the job I’m at, but lately (since May) I have felt like there is a part of me missing. In the end of April I broke up with my boyfriend of two and a half years even though it was my choice and he was fully supportive. It still hurt and effected the both of us. I took on more hours and work, more tasks and more projects to get everything off my mind. I have four close friends in Boston and two close friends in Roanoke but there is still something missing.
Even though I have no need to be sad I am. I seriously think it’s the weather. My dad thinks I am overworking myself and getting myself tired, but I am in my youth and I think I can handle myself. People my age are usually out partying and meeting people; they are also in school and trying to get an education. Their parents expect them to get good grades to where they get exceptional jobs when they graduate so these kids focus on school 100% and don’t really work. I work full-time and go to school full-time. I barely have time for fun; it’s sad but I don’t mind it. I backtracked a couple of years to come to realize how much I have changed over the past couple of years.
I was a party girl when I was away at college in Tennessee and when I moved back to Boston everywhere I wanted to go was 21+ and I really didn’t know people so the partying phase phased out of my life until recently. Akon’s “Lonely” is a fairly decent representation of how I feel…kind of. I can’t believe I let certain people just walk out of my life; not any one person in particular, but many friends I had in the past. Now that I look back on my life; so many of my friends as well as myself changed over the years. Mose of us have matured, we grew up, we prioritized our lives and decided what was important.
I hope the loneliness and miserable feeling I feel is just a seasonal mood because I have no need to feel lonely. I have my friends – Diana, Areli, Theresa, Michelle, Rob and Morgan. I also have my mom and dad who would gladly stick themselves in the center of my life. I definitely think this is a small phase that I am going through with the first snow of the season and hearing of the thousands of people who are without power and how miserable they must be because of it.